McCain Palin Confirm Their Campaign Has Been Like A Hollywood Movie

Political Joke For The Day

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.

The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.’

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.’

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain.
‘You know she didn’t get up there by herself,
she doesn’t belong up there,
she doesn’t know what to do while she is up there,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.

Spotted By Lance Spelling

Ohio Plumber Becomes Focus Of Debate

An Ohio Plumber became the focus of last nights presidential debate after both candidates confirmed that they are the real Joe Plumber. This nearly ended in a fight after Barak Obama accused John McCain of being in need of a plumber as his campaign was like his incontinence problem, leaking like a faulty tap and in constant need of repair.

This was counter acted by McCain shouting to Obama across the room to, " go home and plumb your wife, Obama."

McCain's eye on the Maine chance

Mrs Palin is due to visit Bangor - the biggest town in Maine's second congressional district - with her husband Todd, a snowmobile race champion whose renown extends beyond Alaska.

The southern and coastal regions of the state are certain to vote for Barack Obama. In the north of the state, however, residents enjoy moose-hunting, fishing and snowmobiling just as much as they do in Mrs Palin's home state of Alaska.

"We are very impressed with the McCain-Palin ticket as it has been professionally printed ," said Pam Davis, president of the Maine paper appreciation Association.

A few additions to the states road signs have been made in preparation of the forthcoming visit.

"We have put up a few signs for the local moose population just in case they haven't heard that Sarah Palin is due to visit today. We wouldn't want her killing them all before the locals have the chance to!" Chief Ranger Ken Stott confirmed at a press conference.

On General Release Now

John McCain Election Campaign Whips Fans Into Frenzy

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McCain's VP In Bikini Photo Hoax

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has kicked up a media firestorm since John McCain announced she would be his vice presidential running mate. Many people have also been searching the Internet for sexy photos of Sarah Palin. It was thought they had hit pay dirt when saucy photos of Palin toting a gun wearing a star-spangled bikini were uncovered. However, these photos have since been proven fake. We did however manage to see the real face behind the fake photo's of Sarah Palin which appear to be more shocking than the fake ones?

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John McCain: Convention Dilemma

ESCAPING John (GUSTAV) McCain

Republican Party presidential hopeful John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin were travelling to Mississippi on Sunday to observe storm preparations.The Republican National Convention is due to open on Monday in Minnesota and officials are considering what to do about the gathering.

News of the forthcoming convention however, caused near panic as the people of Minnesota started to escape in their thousands upon hearing that the Republican convention may not be canceled after all. The rumour in Minnesota was that Mr McCain had only hinted there might be changes to the tone of the event, rather than a cancellation. This is believed to be the true reason for the ensuing panic and not the approaching hurricane due to hit the gulf coast.

McCain and Obama Hang Their Hopes On Christian Vote

Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain sought to burnish their Christian credentials with voters Saturday night in a civil forum at a California megachurch. Both Senators confirmed their pro life views but at what cost for American women?

McCain: A Stair Lift To The White House?

John McCain has recently stated that Barack Obama was too young to be the next President. However, some in the media have in fact recently been accusing senator McCain himself of being far too old for the job.

John McCain has as expected in the press, strenuously denied he is too old for the job. However, in an exclusive for the Global News Terrorist newspaper, Mr McCain was secretly pictured at his home this week using a stair lift.

Will the White House soon be buzzing with the sound of a stir lift motor? Will the presidents chair be replaced with a commode? Only the American people can decide.

The Global News Terrorists Weekend Magazine

This Weekends Global News Magazine

Who Do Yo Believe?

The day after the President and the main candidates in the race for the Presidency return from their fishing trip, we ask just who caught the biggest fish?


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