American Missile Launch Kills Santa On Trial Run

Unofficial reports are coming in that NORAD (North American Aerospace Defence Command) has shot down Santa during one of his many trial runs using one of its defence missiles, possibly a heat seeking missile. Situated in a tunnel driven 3km (1.9 miles) inside Cheyenne Mountain, this facility was designed to track incoming Soviet missiles and aircraft during the Cold War.

NORAD, for many years now have also been tracking Santa on their satellite system, via the internet for children across the world. Santa's progress is tracked; it has been officially stated due to Rudolph the reindeer's famous nose giving off an infrared signature similar to a missile launch. On this occasion it would seem all has gone wrong.

As such they have refused to comment on the possible destruction of Father Christmas due to the distress such an accident, if true, could have upon the children of the world.

Reports are hazy at the moment but it is believed that American High Command may have mistook Santa and his sleigh as a proto-type war head which was allegedly supplied to Al Qaeda by the Iranian Government due to a glitch in their defence system.

Further reports are coming in that debris has been sighted over an undisclosed area which mainly consists of burned plastic and cardboard, presumably toys and twisted lumps of metal possibly from Santa’s sleigh. In North America a group of children have been reported to have been spotted carrying a severed reindeers head aloft in a ritualistic ceremony. Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin has denied that this is Rudolph’s head. However, due to the nose of the creature having been removed, these reports, as yet remain unsubstantiated.

The World media holds its collective breath and their front pages in readiness for the truth as it unfolds. The possible backlash from parents and more importantly children is immeasurable at this time. President Bush, it is believed has already been removed to an undisclosed bunker a Pentagon source has confirmed.

The Global News Terrorists Weekend Magazine

McCain Palin Confirm Their Campaign Has Been Like A Hollywood Movie

Paris Hilton Denies Dressing Her Dog As Sarah Palin

Political Joke For The Day

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.

The old rancher said, ‘Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.’

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.’

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain.
‘You know she didn’t get up there by herself,
she doesn’t belong up there,
she doesn’t know what to do while she is up there,
and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.

Spotted By Lance Spelling

Sarah Palin Ruins Christmas

McCain's eye on the Maine chance

Mrs Palin is due to visit Bangor - the biggest town in Maine's second congressional district - with her husband Todd, a snowmobile race champion whose renown extends beyond Alaska.

The southern and coastal regions of the state are certain to vote for Barack Obama. In the north of the state, however, residents enjoy moose-hunting, fishing and snowmobiling just as much as they do in Mrs Palin's home state of Alaska.

"We are very impressed with the McCain-Palin ticket as it has been professionally printed ," said Pam Davis, president of the Maine paper appreciation Association.

A few additions to the states road signs have been made in preparation of the forthcoming visit.

"We have put up a few signs for the local moose population just in case they haven't heard that Sarah Palin is due to visit today. We wouldn't want her killing them all before the locals have the chance to!" Chief Ranger Ken Stott confirmed at a press conference.

John McCain Election Campaign Whips Fans Into Frenzy

Palin In Crash Course In Foreign Policy?

US Republican vice-president candidate Sarah Palin has met world leaders for the first time in what is widely seen as a crash course on foreign policy. Sarah Palin's assistant confirmed that her first meeting went well over a Happy Meal lunch. Republican insiders have denied that Palin and the first head of state she met fought over who was keeping the free toy.

Sarah Palin Meets A Real Bulldog Wearing Lipstick

Sarah Palin Reveals Republican Election Slogan

McCain's VP In Bikini Photo Hoax

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has kicked up a media firestorm since John McCain announced she would be his vice presidential running mate. Many people have also been searching the Internet for sexy photos of Sarah Palin. It was thought they had hit pay dirt when saucy photos of Palin toting a gun wearing a star-spangled bikini were uncovered. However, these photos have since been proven fake. We did however manage to see the real face behind the fake photo's of Sarah Palin which appear to be more shocking than the fake ones?

John McCain Picks His Future Vice President

John McCain: Convention Dilemma

ESCAPING John (GUSTAV) McCain

Republican Party presidential hopeful John McCain and his running mate Sarah Palin were travelling to Mississippi on Sunday to observe storm preparations.The Republican National Convention is due to open on Monday in Minnesota and officials are considering what to do about the gathering.

News of the forthcoming convention however, caused near panic as the people of Minnesota started to escape in their thousands upon hearing that the Republican convention may not be canceled after all. The rumour in Minnesota was that Mr McCain had only hinted there might be changes to the tone of the event, rather than a cancellation. This is believed to be the true reason for the ensuing panic and not the approaching hurricane due to hit the gulf coast.