China Denies Genetic Cloning Has Been Used In Order To Create Worlds First Panda Chess Game.

The First Official CCTV Footage Of Panda Mugging Released By Police

Police at Wolverhampton have today released CCTV footage of the recent mugging that occurred at the weekend. Two teenage pandas walked up to an unsuspecting panda in broad daylight and mugged their victim. The victim who wishes to remain anonymous was left shaken after the incident. Apparently it has caused chaos with the male Pandas libido. His girlfriend remained silent on hearing this and merely shook her head.

Police investigating the crime have expressed their concern over the incident. They have asked local residence to remain vigilant and if they should see the perpetrators that they should not be approached. Wolverhampton police are currently working on a few phone calls relating to the mugging received at the Crime-Stoppers call line.

Panda Research Causes Knee Jerk Reactions

China's notoriously sex-shy pandas are being put through a rigorous "Sexercise" programme in a new effort to encourage them to mate, state media reported on Tuesday.

It was confirmed that a Panda Breeding and Research Centre in the south-western province of Sichuan is making male pandas walk on their two legs to strengthen their pelvic and hip muscles, to better prepare them for sex. The move, which is achieved by luring male pandas up with an apple, looks remarkably like a dance routine and is aimed to boost the animal's sexual stamina. At one stage it had also been reported that a multi-gym had been installed at the centre to encourage further strengthening of muscles for the panda populace.

Giant pandas are known to be sexually inactive, but the new measure follows several other initiatives taken to try and encourage breeding, including the recently reviewed panda pornography in your favourite magazine. The quirky measures aim to ensure the survival of one of the world's most endangered animals.

The rigorous regime of exercise has caused some concern however in the Panda compound. Just recently a handful of muscle bound panda’s had been sighted at the research centre sniffing their own armpits and flexing their muscles in exhibition type poses and in the tiniest of thongs. Two of the pandas concerned have also been found to be taking banned steroids. The side affects of these substances as is well documented, can result in the shrinking not only of the pandas libido but also its manhood too. A halt to some of the activities has been called for by leading experts for fear of rapidly increasing the demise of the panda population.

On a happier note however, more than 30 percent of pandas at the base in Chengdu can now have sex naturally, compared to just 10 percent a decade ago, according to the report. A steroid watch has been set in place at the research centre to ensure no further blatant acts of drug abuse take place.

Panda Porn Causes Some Scorne

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