Showing posts with label wolverhampton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wolverhampton. Show all posts

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Pixelated Faced Babies On The Increase Shock


After an influx of celebrity babies being born with pixelated faces, top doctors both in America and Britain have joined forces to call for a clampdown on such illicit surgery.

“Children should be allowed to be seen without fear or prejudice" said top judge Ira Sprinsteen, “ but I have to admit if I ever happen to walk past one with a pixelated face I cannot stop myself from taking photographs of the little freaks.”

The number of celebrities being photographed by newspapers around the world has increased tenfold confirmed Dr Ken Stott of the New Mexico Research Unit. There was a time when these children would have been seen out with their families without any problem but a trend has risen in which they are deliberately given cosmetic enhanced surgery in order for their faces not to be seen by the general public. Governments should be clamping down on this diabolical trend. As for the surgeons who blatantly provide this service to the rich and famous they should be struck off.

One rumour that spread across the world was that a Z list celebrity had paid for a botched cheaper version of the Hollywood surgery. The want to be starlet was seen running from her convertible into a local Netto supermarket near Wolverhampton high street when a photocopied card with a pixelated print on it fell from her child’s face to expose a normal face and various lumps of blu-tack. To the shock of the child’s mother no one at the store neither noticed nor cared as baked beans had just been reduced to one penny a tin.

A United Nations Council is being hastily called this evening to see if they can agree on a solution to this situation. Based on past resolutions discussed by the U.N. it is looking unlikely indeed.

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

The First Official CCTV Footage Of Panda Mugging Released By Police

Police at Wolverhampton have today released CCTV footage of the recent mugging that occurred at the weekend. Two teenage pandas walked up to an unsuspecting panda in broad daylight and mugged their victim. The victim who wishes to remain anonymous was left shaken after the incident. Apparently it has caused chaos with the male Pandas libido. His girlfriend remained silent on hearing this and merely shook her head.

Police investigating the crime have expressed their concern over the incident. They have asked local residence to remain vigilant and if they should see the perpetrators that they should not be approached. Wolverhampton police are currently working on a few phone calls relating to the mugging received at the Crime-Stoppers call line.

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

MP's Back Badger Cull Shock To Apprentice Finalist

MPs have backed calls for a limited cull of badgers to help prevent the spread of TB in cattle.

A report by the environment select committee says the action should be focused on TB hotspots and form part of a package of control measures.

This has come as a shock to Miss Ruth Badger who appeared in The Apprentice series 2. Ruth got into the last two, but, in spite of a good performance in the final programme did not manage to win.

" I haven't even got TB so why they should be looking to cull me I really do not understand. Do you think it may be because I am from Wolverhampton? As for cows i do know a few sick cows but who doesn't like a rude joke every now and then?" Miss Badger asked to waiting journalists outside of her Wolverhampton home.

The Environment Agency have not yet confirmed if Wolverhampton is one of the hotspots mentioned in its recent report.