Security Council Doesn't Work, Gadhafi Tells U.N.

Corruption Fears Over Afghan Poll

Voting cards are being offered for sale in Afghanistan as the presidential election approaches, an undercover investigation finds. The elections due to take place have come under close scrutiny after an investigation uncovered the open selling of voting cards in many parts of Afghanistan.

We managed to buy a handful of cards and have been shocked to find that rigged voting cards from the George Bush/ Al Gore presidential elections in 2000 are being sold as well as the missing voting cards from the recent controversial Iranian elections. Thousands of voting cards have been offered for sale and thousands of dollars offered in bribes to buy votes.

The findings came as campaigning closed before Thursday's election, in which President Hamid Karzai faces more than 30 challengers. Former President George Bush was delighted to hear that he may be in the running for a future presidency as he has grown tired recently of having nothing to do all day. “After Dick had his shooting rifle taken away from him it just hasn’t been the same.” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, confirmed his concern over the matter and commented that he had thought such evidence had been appropriately dealt with.

Nick Griffin of the British National Party was we can confirm, happy that none of his candidates who failed in the last European elections this year saw their voting papers being openly sold on the black market in Afghanistan, as according to him “that would be so wrong”.

Pixelated Faced Babies On The Increase Shock

After an influx of celebrity babies being born with pixelated faces, top doctors both in America and Britain have joined forces to call for a clampdown on such illicit surgery.

“Children should be allowed to be seen without fear or prejudice" said top judge Ira Sprinsteen, “ but I have to admit if I ever happen to walk past one with a pixelated face I cannot stop myself from taking photographs of the little freaks.”

The number of celebrities being photographed by newspapers around the world has increased tenfold confirmed Dr Ken Stott of the New Mexico Research Unit. There was a time when these children would have been seen out with their families without any problem but a trend has risen in which they are deliberately given cosmetic enhanced surgery in order for their faces not to be seen by the general public. Governments should be clamping down on this diabolical trend. As for the surgeons who blatantly provide this service to the rich and famous they should be struck off.

One rumour that spread across the world was that a Z list celebrity had paid for a botched cheaper version of the Hollywood surgery. The want to be starlet was seen running from her convertible into a local Netto supermarket near Wolverhampton high street when a photocopied card with a pixelated print on it fell from her child’s face to expose a normal face and various lumps of blu-tack. To the shock of the child’s mother no one at the store neither noticed nor cared as baked beans had just been reduced to one penny a tin.

A United Nations Council is being hastily called this evening to see if they can agree on a solution to this situation. Based on past resolutions discussed by the U.N. it is looking unlikely indeed.

UN To Go Cap In Hand After Gaza Ceasefire

Meanwhile, two boys play at being Israeli Commanders amid the rubble of homes in Jebaliya, northern Gaza. It is estimated that about 21,000 homes were destroyed in Israeli attacks. The UN will launch an appeal for $613m to help people affected by Israel's military offensive in Gaza, the body's top official says.

Children's Games That Just Didn't Sell 2

Mugabe At United Nations Food Sumit In Rome