Obama Struggling To Kick Smoking Habit

President Obama Finds It Tough In Copenhagen

President Obama Pardons Turkey

President Obama To Host Palestinian Israeli Talks

Hands Off Our Insurance Companies Salaries

Tens of thousands of people have marched from the White House to Capitol Hill in Washington to protest against Barack Obama's healthcare reforms.

Protesters attacked Mr Obama's administration for what it called out-of-control spending - on healthcare.

"We love our country so why change our health care when we rich love it just the way it is." explained a COE of a major medical Insurance company.

"Born free, taxed to death," one protester's sign read while another, held up by an immigrant from Ukraine, said: "I had enough of socialism in the USSR even if they did pay for my triple heart by pass for free."

The march - co-ordinated by the conservative Freedomworks organisation which calls for lower taxes and smaller government - brought together protesters from across different states. Freedomworks has a business scheme with Medical Savings Insurance Company but denied such links have anything to do with wanting to keep COE's and other mangers the richest in the world.

It is estimated that some 46 million Americans do not have health insurance, and a further 25 million are thought to have inadequate insurance. Fortunately non of them were invited on the protest by the march co-ordinators for fear of contracting a filthy disease and in turn violating their own medical insurance policies.

Putin Asks Obama To Scrap Defence Shield

In a bid to create a better relationship with America, President Putin has once again asked that President Obama reconsider scrapping his defence shield. However this request has been met with a muted response after it was disclosed recently that President Putin had been flaunting his action man prowess in a series of photo shoots. A presidential spokesperson confirmed that there was no way President Obama would be giving up his shield for anyone.

Obama Urges Shift In Russia Ties

President Barack Obama said Russia and the US are not "destined to be antagonists" and hopes that a change in Russian ties can be made. President Medvedev confirmed that he had nearly worn a naked Hula Girl tie for his meeting with President Obama. Diplomats on both sides have confirmed that the fall out from wearing such a tie could have been catastrophic.

NASA Confirms Child Pleasing Experiment To Commence

President Obama, keen to dispel rumours that he is doing nothing but sitting on his ass, was pleased to announce that once the crew on space shuttle Atlantis has completed its work repairing the arm of the Hubble telescope it will carry out an important experiment that could benefit the world. NASA he confirmed will conduct the first magnifying glass experiment from space on ants

The space station which is currently orbiting at a height of 560km (350 miles) above the Earth will extend its arm whilst holding a specially designed magnifying glass in front of the glare of the sun. It will then deflect the powerful solar rays on to a specially selected ant hill in a field near Hawk Springs, Wyoming.

Local school bully and prolific executor of insects, George Wellington has welcomed the news. “It’s about time the government decided to step in and help me rid the world of these pests. For far too long now I have been accused of torture on a wide scale by local animal and insect lovers. I am glad I know can say I have both the government and President Obama’s blessing with my pogrom of violence.”

We left George to continue making his ant soup near a ditch by his front lawn as he spat in the face of an eight year old boy with ginger hair, bucked teeth and seven fingers on each hand.

President Obama confirmed that it was every little child’s dream to go into space and more so to kill god damn ants.
Former President, George W Bush refused to comment when asked what he thought about the use of such superior technology against a vastly inferior opponent.

World Leaders Thankful Swine Flu Has Taken Economic Crisis Off Font Pages.

Today world leaders spoke out about the possible Swine Flu Pandemic. At a secret meeting held within a germ free environment, world leaders gathered to discuss the on going fear over Swine Flu. They also thanked their collective god's that something had removed the global economic crisis away from the front pages of every tabloid and broadsheet newspaper across the world.

President Obama praised Mexico for taking the brunt of the current crisis and also praised the flu virus for transforming itself into a far more deadly decease. Gordon Brown did not go as far as praising his Party for developing the new flu strain but did confirm that the Conservative Party would never have been able to produce such an escape from media scrutiny with their lack of vision and policies.

Both France and Germany blamed America and Britain for the new scare saying that their actions in Iraq and Afghanistan could be behind the emergence of such a deadly infectious decease. However, they still thanking their lucky stars that papers were reporting something other than the economic crisis. The Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi would not comment on the current situation but did notice a female junior secretary in a figure hugging A-Line skirt.

A Senate member from Massachusetts upon hearing of the meeting confirmed his view that all that was needed was for women to start having fits and hallucinating and they can start burning women as witches again, like the good old days.

Disco Gordon Dances Michelle Obama Off Her Feet

Prince Philip Welcomes President Obama and The First Lady To Buckingham Palace

US Army To Pull Out Of Iraq But One Platoon May Have To Fight On A Little Longer

US Military confirms that a full withdrawal from Iraq is imminent. After 5 years of often intense fighting it looks like a withdrawal will happen sooner rather than later. The current conflict has entered an important stage, Pentagon sources have confirmed.

However, it has come to light that after a mix up with military orders a full platoon has been fighting in and around a Tie Rack Shop at an undisclosed Arab airport. Due to the nature of military intelligence and the insistence of using "need to know" orders one platoon has been left stranded at the airport for the last 6 months unaware of the mix up.

Captain Lance Armstrong confirmed that they have been under constant attack particularly during the Christmas period when a half price sale on floral and paisley ties was announced. President Obama would not comment on the recent disclosure but did say they are trying to tie up all loose ends to ensure all military personnel are repatriated back to American soil.

Obama: 'I screwed up' over cabinet

Cash Strapped Nasa Reveals New Luna Vehicle