Celebrity Adoption Special Report

The current trend for Hollywood celebrities to adopt underprivileged children continues to spiral out of control. Last night Britney Spears announced that she is seeking to adopt. After the uproar of Madonna adopting a Humpa Lumpa and Paris Hilton, adopting a right old strop due to no one picking up on her trend of keeping an elephant as a pet, we now have this.

We call for an end to this travesty after it was reported that Britney Spears wishes to adopt a baby clown. Remember it was only 12 months ago that she stupidly adopted an aardvark after the A-Z craze hit America last year.

“I have always wanted to adopt even when I was 4 years old I had a motherly instinct like no other I know. These feelings have been with me for years and I truly feel that now is the time to get things right.” We asked Miss Spears if she was at all following the celebrity ‘B’ list craze of using songs in her press releases but this she denied. “No one ever thinks of the poor clowns do they? They are laughed at and ridiculed by people and always seem so terribly sad. I say “Send in the clowns” let us adopt them and let them know that American people have big hearts.”

We felt so strongly about this we lobbied President Bush to ask him to put a stop to this current celebrity trend.

"I cannot see anything wrong with what is going on at the moment. Clowns are freak’n funny. I once saw a clown down a litre of caster oil and then light his own fart: man that was brilliant. That was the turning point in my political career. I knew then that anything could happen as long as a clown was in charge of his destiny. She can adopt a freak’n wombat for all I care as long as she puts that school uniform on again.”

Britney's Dad Takes Over Her Affairs

A Los Angeles court on Friday placed the affairs of troubled pop singer Britney Spears under the temporary control of her father while she remains hospitalized under psychiatric care. Jamie Spears said he is looking forward to shaving all his hair off, having sex in a changing room and marrying his former class mate in Las Vegas before divorcing him a few hours later. When the judge explained that wasn't what was meant when he said "Taking on Britney's affairs." Jamie Spears asked if the responsibility could be passed to Britney's mum instead.

Singer Spears In Sunglasses Scare

Britney Spears has been taken to hospital by ambulance from her home in Los Angeles, police say.

Miss Spears who has been in the news on and off since her split with her former husband has been in the news yet again. Dr Victor Spode at LAX Hospital confirmed to waiting press that Miss Spears has been afflicted with a serious case of Celebrity Sunglasses Syndrome. The current hospitalization for the former teen songstress has given Miss Spears extra publicity which the failing starlet has thankfully embraced. However, the over-sized sunglasses have become a burden to Miss Spears due to the weight to face ratio. This in turn has added extra stress to her seemingly stressful life at the moment.

" We managed to get Miss Spears into our $2000,00 a day private hospital this morning. The operation should take a few hours but it isn't life threatening. Saying that we hope to make sure Miss Spears remains in our luxury private room for as long as possible". Dr Spode confirmed as he finished the 18th Hole at his exclusive private Golf Course.

It has been confirmed that once the sunglasses have been removed Miss Spears will be able to see visitors at her private room a lot more clearly. Elton John has contacted the family of Miss Spears to offer his help and support having been in the past a victim of over-sized sunglasses syndrome himself.