Vatican To Supply MOD With Protective Rosary Beads

Vatican we can confirm are to Supply MOD with protective rosary beads after Guardsman Glen Hockton was saved during a patrol in Afghanistan. This news has created a flood of requests from hundreds of soldiers for their own religious paraphernalia. Christian shops across the country have reported excessive sales compared to previous years and are putting it down to a miracle from God.

Mary O’Brien who runs the Christians -R- Us shop in Ipswich was beside herself with joy at the number of customers visiting her shop.

“It’s been wonderful seeing all of these strapping young men in uniform coming through the door asking for bibles and the like. It makes a change from the usual sort that come in here. If it isn’t old people stinking the place up with their urine and faecal body odours then it’s normally pre-teens asking can they see my furry chalice, what ever that may be.”

The soldier who was saved from death by the rosary beads he had dropped has stated that it was a miracle he survived. “I must admit I felt strange having the rosary beads at first as I kept getting ribbed about them by my mates in the squadron. But since my beads saved me from near death, half the unit are looking like a Goth’s convention at the moment. Jimmy our Sergeant for example is looking more like Madonna in her “Like a Virgin” video than a hardened professional soldier!”

The Ministry Of Defence has announced that it is looking into possibly purchasing other religious items to protect our soldiers in war zones should testing prove to be positive.

Vatican Motors in Italy have confirmed that just this week it has had phone calls from both the British and American governments. They have it has been confirmed, asked about the company’s 2010 Armoured Pope Mobile. The highly protective transport vehicle has been pencilled in for possible purchase to help out in Afghanistan. According to the BBC television show, Top Gear its anti-mine and missile deflecting capabilities are said to be on most armed forces wish list.

Prime Minister Brown Visits Afghanistan

Government Apology Over 2 Year Delay In Condolence Letter

It was announced in parliament by Prime Minister Gordon Brown this week that a further 9, ooo soldiers will be deployed to Afghanistan in the early part of December. This would appear to be in contradiction to President Obama’s announcement that he is looking to start withdrawing American troops as early as 2010.

Also this week a father of a soldier killed in Afghanistan criticised the government after receiving a condolence letter two years after his son died. The Government apologised profusely over the alleged administrative error and confirmed that new measures are being implemented in order to stop any further hurt to the families of military personnel killed in the al theatres of war.

When asked to explain what possible measures would be implemented a government spokesperson confirmed, “We can assure all concerned that we are taking this matter seriously indeed. I can confirm that the families of the soon to be deployed soldiers would in fact be issued with a letter of condolence before they even set foot on Afghan soil. This I can assure you will save on any future admin errors and save the Prime Minister from having to grovel to the house and the public at large over others ineptitude.”

Corruption Fears Over Afghan Poll

Voting cards are being offered for sale in Afghanistan as the presidential election approaches, an undercover investigation finds. The elections due to take place have come under close scrutiny after an investigation uncovered the open selling of voting cards in many parts of Afghanistan.

We managed to buy a handful of cards and have been shocked to find that rigged voting cards from the George Bush/ Al Gore presidential elections in 2000 are being sold as well as the missing voting cards from the recent controversial Iranian elections. Thousands of voting cards have been offered for sale and thousands of dollars offered in bribes to buy votes.

The findings came as campaigning closed before Thursday's election, in which President Hamid Karzai faces more than 30 challengers. Former President George Bush was delighted to hear that he may be in the running for a future presidency as he has grown tired recently of having nothing to do all day. “After Dick had his shooting rifle taken away from him it just hasn’t been the same.” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, confirmed his concern over the matter and commented that he had thought such evidence had been appropriately dealt with.

Nick Griffin of the British National Party was we can confirm, happy that none of his candidates who failed in the last European elections this year saw their voting papers being openly sold on the black market in Afghanistan, as according to him “that would be so wrong”.

British Troops Call Up Virgin Tank Regiment For Afghanistan As Rumours Of Troop Depletion Continues

Prince Harry In Fake Photo Scandal

Reports are coming through that a photograph showing Prince Harry in action in Afghanistan is a fake. One major television network is claiming that Prince Harry never set foot in Afghanistan and the picture has been retouched to look like he was serving there. One photographic expert said, “ If you look at the reflection in Harry’s glasses you can clearly see the queen at home reading the paper”.

Prince William Gets His Chopper Out Once Again

Prince William has made a secret visit to meet British troops in Afghanistan.

William, 25, spent three hours with UK service personnel at an airfield in Kandahar on Monday before flying home.

Clarence House said the trip, planned since 2007, was to familiarise William with RAF missions but publicist Max Clifford said it was a "PR exercise".

Prince Harry In Afghanistan 'A Picture Diary'