Showing posts with label armed forces. Show all posts
Showing posts with label armed forces. Show all posts

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

I'm A Crank Get Me Out Of Here


The full might of the British Armed Forces is to be thrown behind getting our cranks out of an Indian hot spot it can be confirmed. A team of Special Forces operatives are on stand by to rescue two British plane spotters arrested in India this week. This was confirmed by a top civil servant who announced it in hushed tones behind a newspaper and out of the side of his mouth at his Gentleman’s Club near Whitehall.

The members of this elite team covertly named the Special Hobby Services (SBS) are at this moment are on their way to an undisclosed camp out side New Delhi. Should the governments exhausted attempts fail to extract the two nut cases from certain jail sentences for plane spotting; the SBS will be called in to action immediately.

The SBS was created in 2001 to head off any attempts to imprison British tourists abroad for numerous sad hobbies. The squadron first saw action in Oman when an unofficial tidily-winks competition was raided by the countries Secret Police at a popular tourist hotel. Four British competitors were arrested and held at a secret interrogation camp and subjected to an extremely torturous game of Snap.

SBS Teams rescued the men during a midnight raid and thankfully suffered no casualties, though a collection of Victorian Tidily-Winks were lost down the back of a seat of the rescue plane on the way home. The squad was last called in to action to rescue the Birmingham Six, a group of bus spotters arrested in Alabama in 2003.

The two forty year old plane-spotters arrested in India are being charged with intercepting communications unlawfully and could face a year in prison or a fine. The pair were being held at Delhi International Airport last Monday but they are now believed to be held in a New Delhi immigration centre. The accused were found carrying an air traffic control scanner, a laptop, binoculars, cameras as well as note pads, pens and packs of Chewits and Spangles. The two forty year old prisoners, both single, are believed to be missing their mummy’s. The United Nations have no mandate to help people who have sad hobbies so have ruled out stepping in to help out if an international crisis erupts.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Government Apology Over 2 Year Delay In Condolence Letter


It was announced in parliament by Prime Minister Gordon Brown this week that a further 9, ooo soldiers will be deployed to Afghanistan in the early part of December. This would appear to be in contradiction to President Obama’s announcement that he is looking to start withdrawing American troops as early as 2010.

Also this week a father of a soldier killed in Afghanistan criticised the government after receiving a condolence letter two years after his son died. The Government apologised profusely over the alleged administrative error and confirmed that new measures are being implemented in order to stop any further hurt to the families of military personnel killed in the al theatres of war.

When asked to explain what possible measures would be implemented a government spokesperson confirmed, “We can assure all concerned that we are taking this matter seriously indeed. I can confirm that the families of the soon to be deployed soldiers would in fact be issued with a letter of condolence before they even set foot on Afghan soil. This I can assure you will save on any future admin errors and save the Prime Minister from having to grovel to the house and the public at large over others ineptitude.”

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy New Year Celebrations Gift To The People Of Gaza


As countries around the world celebrate the start of 2009 Hundreds of thousands turn up in Gaza to watch the celebratory fireworks. Unfortunately for the citizens of Gaza it was the Israeli Armed forces who where letting this years fireworks off in spirited attempt to oppress the people of Gaza.

Israeli defence minister Ehud Barak who helped to orchestrate the celebrations was, it has been confirmed very happy with this years fireworks display. When asked if he felt the actions were a little heavy handed taking into account the number of deaths that have occurred, Mr Barak confirmed, " Our public liability insurance is up to date and besides they are only Palestinians!"

Out going President George Bush thanked the Israeli government for taking the opportunity to do what they are doing now as they will have little chance of getting away with it so easily once the new man in charge takes over.

The Israeli government have confirmed that as a special treat they are happy to extend the current celebrations for as long as they want. This was met by a muted response from World leaders as usual.

A peaceful new year to you all - (surely not Ed.)