Daily Mail Readers Wowed By Cameron's Ability To Walk

The Daily Mail newspaper expressed its amazement today when David Cameron placed one foot in front of another and walked on solid ground. The incident occurred when the Prime Minister walked to the House of Parliament instead of taking his customary chauffeur driven car. An eyewitness who was busy taking photographs for the newspaper confirmed that Mr Cameron looked to be actually breathing the same air as normal people in the street.

Fellow pedestrians stopped in their tracks as the dashing charmer strolled the few hundred yards from Number 10 Downing Street to the Palace of Westminster. Alan Kershaw 42, from Nottingham was almost bowled over by the sight, "It was wonderful to be in London on such a wonderful occasion. Last year when I visited the capital I was only beaten up and mugged this tops everything!"

Sky News' Adam Boulton called this bold step as "the greatest act of self propulsion ever seen on British soil."

Nick Robinson, head political editor at the BBC remarked upon hearing the news,"If he carries on at this rate he will be claiming for secondary shoes on his expenses bills."

The nation holds its collective breath as to what the new Prime Minister will do tomorrow. Rumours in Whitehall are implying the Prime Minister may even be able to balance a book on his head whilst walking in a straight line. This however is as yet merely a rumour and is very unlikely to occur whilst the Prime Minister is walking to work during rush hour due to health and safety issues.

New Conservative Election Poster Pulled

Cummerbund Condemns 10% Rise In Cider

Asked about the increase in tax on cider, Mr Cummerbund said: "The Government has made a mistake. They don't understand the West Country, they don't understand this part of our country and they've got it wrong.

"This just proves my party are the true Cider drinking political party in the Britain."

When asked if he could recall the last time he had ever tried a pint of cider Mr Cummerbund confirmed he couldn't. He did however, state that he had once seen a tramp follow thru after downing a litre of cider outside a well known London Hotel."

Meanwhile, The Wurzels' novelty hit I'm A Cider Drinker is to be used as a rallying cry for protests over Budget hikes in alcohol duty.

A campaign is under way to take the band, known for hits such as Combine Harvester, to the top of the charts to highlight the backlash against Chancellor Alistair Darling's tax increases on cider.

Mr Cummerbund has confirmed that he may be joining the Wurzel's on stage at this years Glastonbury Festival. He hopes this will further cement his true cider drinking credentials to an otherwise uninterested British Public.

Torries Accused Of Fiddling Crime Statistics

Cummerbund's Trike Stolen As He Shops

Conservative leader David Cummerbund says his tricycle was stolen after he left it locked outside a supermarket while he shopped near his home in west London.
I only went in for a sherbet dab and a few gob stoppers and when I came out I found my trikey wikey was missing.

David Cameron In Party Logo Fiasco

David Cummerbund Leader of the Conservative Party has come under fire from his party after it was claimed that a family friends son was paid a quarter of a million for designing the Conservative Parties new logo. The traditional logo which was been replaced for some months now depicted an outstretched blue arm holding a torch with the colours of the union jack like flames burning from it. However, the new logo has come under close scrutiny due to its minimalist look of a child like tree with green scribbled leaves above a hastily coloured blue tree trunk.

A top ranking Conservative MP, Harrington-Carrington of Barrington-On-Sea wrote in the Times:-

“It has been commented in the party that a child has in fact drawn this logo. I must admit no professional artist would produce anything as infantile as this. If it is proven to be true, I think it is despicable that a leader would garner extra income in such a way. To possibly use a child in these matters would be deplorable and to then have the party pay for the privilege would be beyond belief. However, I am sorry that I never thought of it myself. One of my children could have easily done a similar picture with their foot never mind their hand. That’s if they still had feet or hands that is, nasty accident, best not to mention it.”

One MP from the Labour back benches commented, “ Perhaps the tree represents Mr Cummerbunds lack of manhood and that his party are waiting for their leaders conkers to drop to see if he is a real man?”

The Conservative Leader would not be drawn on the subject as the child concerned had not returned from nursery school when we put the question to him.