Showing posts with label british government. Show all posts
Showing posts with label british government. Show all posts
Sunday, 16 May 2010
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
I'm A Crank Get Me Out Of Here
The full might of the British Armed Forces is to be thrown behind getting our cranks out of an Indian hot spot it can be confirmed. A team of Special Forces operatives are on stand by to rescue two British plane spotters arrested in India this week. This was confirmed by a top civil servant who announced it in hushed tones behind a newspaper and out of the side of his mouth at his Gentleman’s Club near Whitehall.
The members of this elite team covertly named the Special Hobby Services (SBS) are at this moment are on their way to an undisclosed camp out side New Delhi. Should the governments exhausted attempts fail to extract the two nut cases from certain jail sentences for plane spotting; the SBS will be called in to action immediately.
The SBS was created in 2001 to head off any attempts to imprison British tourists abroad for numerous sad hobbies. The squadron first saw action in Oman when an unofficial tidily-winks competition was raided by the countries Secret Police at a popular tourist hotel. Four British competitors were arrested and held at a secret interrogation camp and subjected to an extremely torturous game of Snap.
SBS Teams rescued the men during a midnight raid and thankfully suffered no casualties, though a collection of Victorian Tidily-Winks were lost down the back of a seat of the rescue plane on the way home. The squad was last called in to action to rescue the Birmingham Six, a group of bus spotters arrested in Alabama in 2003.
The two forty year old plane-spotters arrested in India are being charged with intercepting communications unlawfully and could face a year in prison or a fine. The pair were being held at Delhi International Airport last Monday but they are now believed to be held in a New Delhi immigration centre. The accused were found carrying an air traffic control scanner, a laptop, binoculars, cameras as well as note pads, pens and packs of Chewits and Spangles. The two forty year old prisoners, both single, are believed to be missing their mummy’s. The United Nations have no mandate to help people who have sad hobbies so have ruled out stepping in to help out if an international crisis erupts.
The members of this elite team covertly named the Special Hobby Services (SBS) are at this moment are on their way to an undisclosed camp out side New Delhi. Should the governments exhausted attempts fail to extract the two nut cases from certain jail sentences for plane spotting; the SBS will be called in to action immediately.
The SBS was created in 2001 to head off any attempts to imprison British tourists abroad for numerous sad hobbies. The squadron first saw action in Oman when an unofficial tidily-winks competition was raided by the countries Secret Police at a popular tourist hotel. Four British competitors were arrested and held at a secret interrogation camp and subjected to an extremely torturous game of Snap.
SBS Teams rescued the men during a midnight raid and thankfully suffered no casualties, though a collection of Victorian Tidily-Winks were lost down the back of a seat of the rescue plane on the way home. The squad was last called in to action to rescue the Birmingham Six, a group of bus spotters arrested in Alabama in 2003.
The two forty year old plane-spotters arrested in India are being charged with intercepting communications unlawfully and could face a year in prison or a fine. The pair were being held at Delhi International Airport last Monday but they are now believed to be held in a New Delhi immigration centre. The accused were found carrying an air traffic control scanner, a laptop, binoculars, cameras as well as note pads, pens and packs of Chewits and Spangles. The two forty year old prisoners, both single, are believed to be missing their mummy’s. The United Nations have no mandate to help people who have sad hobbies so have ruled out stepping in to help out if an international crisis erupts.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Cat Government Unhappy With Oppositions Ball Of Wool Tactics
Britain’s Cat government was in disarray today when the majority of its members were enticed to cross to floor of the house of parliament by a large ball of string. Prime Minister Tabby Brown spent the day coughing up hair balls when news of the devious action was brought to his attention.
Security is currently looking in to how such a large ball of string was smuggled in to the house without being noticed. Seeing as there is a high level of security measures in place at Parliament it should have been impossible for such a large item to go un-noticed.
“This isn’t the first attempt by the opposition to sabotage this government. When a majority vote on the countries constitution was needed someone turned the central heating up. We lost by a sizable amount due to the back benches spending the time curled up asleep near the radiators dotted around the building.” A spokesperson for the Prime Minister confirmed.
A sting of other incidents, have littered the halls of Parliament over the years one political correspondent told the GNT.
A back bencher confirmed, “There is nothing wrong with a good game of cat and mouse amongst opponents provided none of the players are too over zealous and actually eat their opponent by accident.”
The government is still waiting on the findings of an investigation in the incident that marred the last year’s budget speech. The incident happened when a sky light was opened just as the Chancellor of the Exchequer was about to give his keynote speech. A ray of sunlight filled the dispatch box and the Chancellor was seen to quickly fall transfixed to the floor. He then spent the rest of the time permitted for his speech on his back with his legs raised in the air asleep in warmth of the sun. That year a relaxation on the very unpopular Mitten Tax had to be scrapped due to this incident.
Security is currently looking in to how such a large ball of string was smuggled in to the house without being noticed. Seeing as there is a high level of security measures in place at Parliament it should have been impossible for such a large item to go un-noticed.
“This isn’t the first attempt by the opposition to sabotage this government. When a majority vote on the countries constitution was needed someone turned the central heating up. We lost by a sizable amount due to the back benches spending the time curled up asleep near the radiators dotted around the building.” A spokesperson for the Prime Minister confirmed.
A sting of other incidents, have littered the halls of Parliament over the years one political correspondent told the GNT.
A back bencher confirmed, “There is nothing wrong with a good game of cat and mouse amongst opponents provided none of the players are too over zealous and actually eat their opponent by accident.”
The government is still waiting on the findings of an investigation in the incident that marred the last year’s budget speech. The incident happened when a sky light was opened just as the Chancellor of the Exchequer was about to give his keynote speech. A ray of sunlight filled the dispatch box and the Chancellor was seen to quickly fall transfixed to the floor. He then spent the rest of the time permitted for his speech on his back with his legs raised in the air asleep in warmth of the sun. That year a relaxation on the very unpopular Mitten Tax had to be scrapped due to this incident.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
Monday, 13 April 2009
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