Taliban TV Announces Its Version Of Blind Date A Hit

Osama Bin Laden Confirms His Favourite Magazine

Martyrdom Not What It Used To Be

The Muslim world waits with bated breath after the current credit crunch has a knock on affect to the number of virgins they may receive after martyrdom. Al Mapha Bin Mapha a leading actuary working on the virgin/martyrdom audit has confirmed today that possible changes may need to be made. “For sometime now or at least since the world trade attacks and the subsequent invasions of both Iraq and Afghanistan the, number of martyrs have increased across the world. If this increase in suicide bombings etc continues upon the path it is I am afraid this could spell disaster for every future Muslim martyr. The boom we are currently experiencing could have a catastrophic effect on future resources.”

Mr Al Mapha Bin Mapha confirmed that the audit is due to be completed no later than early January next year. An international helpline has been set up for any future suicide bombers who have concerns over this matter. They can telephone CIA-0890 66600, premium rates apply.

Terrorist Alert

Al Qaeda it can be confirmed have hidden bombs inside tins of Alphabetti Spagetti .
Officials have confirmed that if they go off they could spell

Readers Letters

I was in my works toilets recently and sign said “please depress for a 3 seconds to ensure a full flush.” so I told the toilet about my marriage problems and do you know what it worked? Thank God for British signage.

Mr Walter Cross, Essex

I find it very upsetting that the BBC’s DIY SOS team are to modernise Osama Bin Ladens cave in an Afghan special to be shown over the Christmas period. Surely tax payer’s money should be put to better use like starting a war in Iran for instance.

Mr G Galloway, Glasgow

With the near collapse of Wall Street in America surely it would have been a good idea to have built the wall on better foundations and with the correct cement?

Mrs D Jones, New York

Is it me or does the fact that Gordon Brown keeps calling his chancellor darling a little off putting?

Mr D Cameron, London

The attempts of some members of parliament to stop parents from giving their children a smack is unbelievable. I was brought up on smack and it hasn’t done me any harm, apart from the prison sentence and the decline in my mental health that is.

Mrs K Doherty, Staines