New Car/Movie Tie In To Be Scrapped

SUMO WRESTLERS TRAIN IN RIVER OF CHOCOLATE

As the new sumo season approaches the traditional Yummyyummai took place in the sacred chocolate river: Mikkywai. Every year the sumo wrestlers, who have shed their fighting weight, over the closed season gather on the banks of the Mikkywai and feast in the chocolate river which is naturally occurring and flows out of the sacred volcano Mount Cadburyrama. The wrestlers fight for the chunkier bits floating in the middle as a bit of pre season contact gets them into shape along with the billion calories they stuff down their necks.

Although it may seem a pointless exercise we can see from the picture below what happens if a sumo who completed the Yummyyummyai tangles with a sumo who hasn’t !

By SLAP

Prince Charles In Japanese Viagra Trials Denial

Man Arrested for Licking Bobbies Helmet

Further troubles in Northern Japan, during a gay rights rally. 24 year old Tung Mi was arrested for appearing to lick the helmet of a senior police officer. Mr Tung, a local dj and former Mick Jagger impersonator, claims he was only thirsty and noticed some watery residue on the tip of the officers helmet.

Police deny any provocation, claiming that officers wore tight fitting hot pants only to blend in with the crowd.

The police are appealing for witnesses, while the witnesses believe the police are appealing.

Rubik's Cube Has ParentsPuzzled

The Japanese teenager who won the Rubik's Cube World Championships in Hungary's capital, Budapest, taking less than 13 seconds to finish the cult '80s puzzle. Has been toppled from his world record by a baby not due to be born until 8 weeks time. The baby who has not yet been given a name by its parents managed the amazing fete 2 days after Yu Nakajima, 16, took home 5,000 euros (£3,400, $7,000) after winning the main event of the three-day tournament.

Nearly 300 contenders from 33 countries tried their hands - and feet - at the puzzle, some completing it blindfolded. The record set by Mr Nakajima now appears to be in tatters.
The soon to be born baby whose parents live in Leeds managed the world record by mistake. Its mother Maureen Sprout was playing with a keyring sized Rubik’s cube in her house when by accident she swallowed the small toy in a freak incident whilst watching the Jeremy Kyle show. Mrs Sprout informed Global News Terrorrists how it all happened.

“I was watching my favourite TV. programme, the Jeremy Kyle show, weekdays at 1.30. I was listening intensely to the problem the couple on the show were having. It was something about his wife walking in on him whilst he was grooming the family dog. Anyway when Jeremy asked the couple if the husband was coming between the wife and the dog I coughed and somehow swallow the key-ring toy in the process. I tried to pass it through natural means but nothing happened. It was only when I went for my second scan with my husband that we could see our baby playing with the Rubik’s Cube. After about 9.5 seconds it had managed to complete the cube. I cannot believe our baby is a record breaker even before it is born. Since the record breaking event we have been inundated by media and television programmes asking for us to appear on their shows.”

We asked Mrs Sprout if their nearly born baby had managed to complete any other of Mr Erno Rubik’s games? “Well we did think that it had been trying to do the Rubik Snake but we realised that it was a mistake. I have since been informed by the hospital that I have a rather large tapeworm in my stomach. We are planning to go on Jeremy Kyle’s show once the babies new found fame gets in the way of my husbands and my sex life.”

Hungarian architect Erno Rubik invented the cube in Hungary in 1974. More than 300 million cubes have been sold since. Mr Rubik, 63, made a rare public appearance upon hearing of this amazing achievement. "The cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 possible configurations – So I’ll be buggered as to how a baby from Leeds managed to complete it.”