City Bonuses To Go On Art It's Confirmed

New Snack Bar For City Executives Now On Sale

Pet Food Ads That Would Be Banned 1

You Looking At Me

A cat has had the first cataract operation in the UK.

Smuts the cat is recovering well at home his owner confirmed. However, he is feeling the strain of the 5 hour operation. Doctors at the hospital that operated on Smuts said he is likely to feel a lot of swelling to his eyes for a couple of days and should get plenty of rest at Homer.

Newcastle Football Club Denies Heavy Fans Making Them Plummet Towards Bottom Of The Premiership Table

Fat Boy Not Slim

An 8 year old boy weighing 14 stone has been allowed to stay with his mother after a local authority hearing. William 'fatty' Foulkes, 8, heard the news earlier today, and celebrated with a cheeseburger dipped in chocolate and lard.

William recently lost a stone, but found it again later and placed it back with his collection of other rocks and pebbles.

When asked what his favourite musical instrument was, Will replied "The school dinner bell".

Wills mother, Thatsall Foulkes, blames her sons weight problem on 'convenience culture'.

Mrs Foulkes, 89, stated "If they didn't put handles on fridges, he wouldn't be able to get at the Turkey Twizzlers, and its not my fault I can get 15 frozen pizza's into my oven. If they (the Government) want my son to lose wait, they better move me to a bigger house so he can move around more, and increase my handouts, I can't live on 12 hundred pound a week and be expected to buy carrots...can I!?"

British Gas Profits Jumps By Gazillions

Energy supplier British Gas has declared extraordinary annual profits in its latest report.

When asked about how they could justify these enormous profits a spokes man said “that old people would simply need to get used to the idea that if they did not pay their gas bill they would go to prison”.

The comments were made before the director got in to his top of the range Ferrari by his luxury cruiser in St Tropez.

Exclusive Report by Eric Shun (Formerly known as Neil Batley)