New England World Cup Film Out Now

Modern Technology Would Only Confirm England Are Still Crap FIFA Concludes

After Frank Lampard’s goal was disallowed during the 4-1 defeat at the hands of Germany a cry for modern technology to be introduced into the game has been made. Unfortunately FIFA spokesman Nicholas Maingot refused to comment on the referee’s howler that had cost England to lose 4-1 instead of 3-2 after Lampard’s goal was mistakenly ruled as not a goal.

Maingot, was speaking at a press conference in Johannesburg yesterday. On several occasions he refused to be drawn on the matter stating he was not qualified to speak about refereeing matters.

Calls for FIFA President Sepp Blatter to attend after demands for top level answers fell on deaf ears and it was left to Mr Maingot to not answer the questions instead of Mr Blatter who would have not answered at the questions just as professionally at the conference.

Professionals have called for future games to incorporate modern technology in order to help referees at future England games to show the correct defeating score line.

However, FIFA President Sepp Blatter has so far ruled out such technology.
“It would be too time consuming and anyway everyone knows how rubbish England actually are without having to payout for added technology! He then went on to do a rendition of the football anthem “Your crap and you know you are!” to those around him.

In another report today it has been confirmed that a video of England’s South African World Cup tour has been bought up by a Gay Adult TV Show. When The Rank News asked the COE of the production company concerned why they have bought the rights to the England squad’s highlights, Brent Oliver confirmed “Well where else would we be able to get our hands on footage of eleven arse holes being battered for 90 minutes?”

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Bono's Big Gob Does It Again Says FAI

The FAI have lodged a complaint to anyone who will listen regarding news that pop singer Bono of U2 fame has thrown his small weight behind Ireland’s bid for a spare place at next years World Cup tournament. “With news like this we are doomed to fail. After all no one is going to take our bid seriously now that eejit has opened his big mouth!” an FAI insider confirmed over the phone this afternoon.

The Football Association of Ireland had asked the powers that be to allocate them a spare place at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa after Thierry Henry handled the ball during their qualifying round against France last month.

"I was due to bring it to the attention of the Executive Committee but after Bono’s intervention I doubt anyone will take the FAI’s request seriously," said Fifa’s Sepp Blatter.

The executive committee is due to hold an emergency meeting in Cape Town on Wednesday, two days ahead of the draw for the finals. If they recommend the proposal it will go before football's rule-making international board in Zurich in March for a final decision. However, after the sabre rattling of the little man this has been called in to question.

It has now been confirmed that the Irish Nation has asked President Obama, if they can spare a place during next years in take of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay for the U2 lead singer. The diminutive singer ignored pleas for him to stop getting involved, due to his over sized ego. The FAI fears it may now be punished severely over this intrusion. Rumours state that the Republic of Ireland will possibly be banned from all World Cup tournaments until the U2 singer grows up a bit. So by all accounts it is looking like a long time indeed FIFA representatives have declared.

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Englands Fears Flare Up During Qualifying Game

The Football Association will make a formal complaint to Fifa after not enough flares were thrown on to the pitch during England's defeat in Ukraine.
Seconds after the match at the Dnipro Stadium kicked off, fans behind Robert Green's goal lobbed several lit flares into the penalty area.

More were hurled after Andriy Shevchenko missed a penalty following Green's 16th-minute sending off. A spokesman for the FA described the events as "unacceptable" as unfortunately not enough flares were thrown to completely obscure the lack luster game.

"We have spoken with the Fifa delegate and we will be submitting a report with regard to the missiles," said FA director of communications Adrian Bevington.

"It is not acceptable for any player to be left in the full glare of the spectators and media spotlight like they were last night. We will be forwarding that to Fifa in the next week."

"We have spoken with the Fifa delegate and we will be submitting a report with regard to the number of dismal missiles thrown, Hopefully something will be done to sort this problem out before the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Our fear is that once it becomes obvious we are not going to win a World Cup again there will be nothing to hide behind," said FA director of communications Adrian Bevington.

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