U2 Singer Bono In Ego Boosting Surgery

SINGER BONO was rushed to hospital for emergency ego surgery yesterday - casting doubts over U2's Glastonbury headline spot.

The chart-topping group have cancelled the first date of their US tour after the frontman sustained a lack of egotism during rehearsals.

Bono's injury comes barely four weeks before U2 play the Somerset festival for the first time on June 25.

A band spokesman said the Irish star, 50 - real name PAUL HEWSON - will spend the next few days in hospital in Munich, Germany. He will be given intense ego boosting treatment to get him back to his usual sanctimonious ego indulgent self.

He added: "Once his condition has been assessed further, a statement will be made regarding the impact on forthcoming tour dates."

The band have already postponed their Salt Lake City gig in Utah.

Paul McGuinness - who manages the band said: "We hope to get things resolved as soon as possible. Life hasn't been the same in the band since Bono lost the ability to irritate the life out of everyone. He almost looks smaller than his former self. I have checked his built up heels on his boots and they are fine, it has to be his shrunken over inflated head that makes him appear smaller!"

Bono's Big Gob Does It Again Says FAI

The FAI have lodged a complaint to anyone who will listen regarding news that pop singer Bono of U2 fame has thrown his small weight behind Ireland’s bid for a spare place at next years World Cup tournament. “With news like this we are doomed to fail. After all no one is going to take our bid seriously now that eejit has opened his big mouth!” an FAI insider confirmed over the phone this afternoon.

The Football Association of Ireland had asked the powers that be to allocate them a spare place at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa after Thierry Henry handled the ball during their qualifying round against France last month.

"I was due to bring it to the attention of the Executive Committee but after Bono’s intervention I doubt anyone will take the FAI’s request seriously," said Fifa’s Sepp Blatter.

The executive committee is due to hold an emergency meeting in Cape Town on Wednesday, two days ahead of the draw for the finals. If they recommend the proposal it will go before football's rule-making international board in Zurich in March for a final decision. However, after the sabre rattling of the little man this has been called in to question.

It has now been confirmed that the Irish Nation has asked President Obama, if they can spare a place during next years in take of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay for the U2 lead singer. The diminutive singer ignored pleas for him to stop getting involved, due to his over sized ego. The FAI fears it may now be punished severely over this intrusion. Rumours state that the Republic of Ireland will possibly be banned from all World Cup tournaments until the U2 singer grows up a bit. So by all accounts it is looking like a long time indeed FIFA representatives have declared.