Britains Worst Serial Killer Arrested

The Merseyside Police Force is currently investigating a local man in connection to a string of disappearances over the last 30 years.

50 year old Albert Fish was arrested at his home on Tuesday evening after a tip off that a string of girlfriends have disappeared under very suspicious circumstances.

Mr Fish who was well known in his neighbourhood for being rather creepy and strange was taken away for questioning late on Tuesday night. We have been informed that his house and garden shed are being searched by forensic investigators for clues to the possible whereabouts of his former partners.

The 50 year old amateur entomologist it has been confirmed had a penchant for and actively groomed girlfriends from the insect world. A list of those that are missing and possibly presumed dead has been released by Merseyside Police. Anyone with information on the missing is asked to contact a designated phone line that has been set up.

Beryl McFly – last seen frequenting the public toilets near Sefton Park, missing since July 1977.

Nancy Waspty – The last sighting was near a plate of creamed scones in June 2007, Colwyn Bay.

Mary the Hornedbeetle- Was last seen being pinned up against a board in Liverpool Museum in May 2009.

Merseyside Police have confirmed that other possible partners/victims are being looked into but as yet no further details can be given due to the nature of the investigation. Forensic officers have taken away numerous possible pieces of evidence since Tuesday night. A very reliable source confirmed that the floorboards of the suspect’s property have been lifted and by all accounts it is looking like “a killing field under there!”.

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By SLAP

Big Bang Wrong Thang

The chief of the world’s leading cold case squad has confirmed today that the wrong meteor had been blamed for killing off the dinosaur. After the reopening of the case and a major forensic investigation into the events 65 million years ago police can now reveal the truth. The Chicxulub impact off the coast of Mexico 65 million years ago could not now have been the culprit which caused the deaths of so many all that time ago.

We spoke to a leading investigator on the case, Professor Ivor Idear, at his laboratory in Dartford. “Evidence now proves that the original suspect could not have been the cause of such extinction and that another Meteor was in fact involved. We are making every effort to find the true perpetrator and will use every resource available to us now that forensic science has moved on since the original incident.”

The case has been a cause of contention for so long now and due to some lobbying by activist around the world the case was reopened.

The lead investigator Assistant Chief of Police, Arthur Brian confirmed yesterday, “After our request for witnesses on Crime Watch last year the helpline we set up was inundated with a great many phone calls. We took many samples of the ocean in and around the crime scene and it would now appear that the original suspect was wrongly accused.” When asked if this would result in an investigation into the original police investigation made by the Metropolitan Police, Mr Brian would not comment.

We spoke to the solicitor for the original suspected meteor today. “I spoke to my client and he is relieved at long last that his name will be cleared in this matter. He has for 65 million years denied any involvement in the crime but was never listened to. He hopes now he will be released from jail and will be allowed to live a normal meteoric life style. My client has had to live with the shame of countless deaths that he did not have a hand in. He agrees that he was involved with some minor petty crime but this stigma has lived with him for so many years. ”

A hearing into the case will be made shortly and only then will we know what compensation the wrongly accused meteor may in fact receive. The investigation into the true murderer is on going but we have been informed that the squad are close to making a major arrest soon.