New Strain Of Flu Virus Found Scientists Confirm

A new strain of the flu virus is deliberately hiding important news from the bed ridden, scientists have claimed today. The new virus called sneaky flu has only recently kept a sizable lottery win from a Spanish woman in order to keep her misery going a little longer.

Scientist from around the world discovered the new strain whilst investigating the Spanish woman's condition as it was suspected to be swine flu. However, this new strain of the virus has far reaching side affects and could quite possibly lead to a more dangerous pandemic than the recent Mexican one. The symptoms appear to leave the victim despondent long after good news has reached them. Officials from a global government task force confirmed that international scientists are struggling to find a cure for the new strain. This is being linked in some quarters to the current global economic down turn.

Our Political and Scientific advisor Richard Head has been watching the recent developments closely. The news of this new strain was leaked only last week, since then more and more cases have emerged and seem to be escalating far more rapidly than expected by scientists our investigation has uncovered. One man from Birmingham also suffered from the side affects of Sneaky flu doctors confirmed this morning. The man had been ill in bed for weeks and denied hearing the good news that his wastrel son had found a job after 20 years lazing around the family home.

Unofficial reports are coming in that Gordon Brown may be suffering from similar symptoms to those of the new strain of flu but the jury is still out on that one. After weeks and weeks of bad news officials state they are straining to see where good news could in fact arrive from for Prime Minister Brown in order for proof of the virus to be substantiated.

Thousands Of Pigs Slaughtered After Contracting 'Man Flu'

The British Government has admitted that thousands of pigs have been culled after contracting Man Flu. An Expert who works for the UK agriculture commission said the symptoms are easy to spot. They usually start with a very light cold which usually includes a slight sore throat and a runny nose. The male pig will then lay in a bed for a week and tell the female how he thinks he 'may be dying ' and that this is 'the worst he has ever felt'. The female is then expected to wait on hand and foot during the whole process.