New House Of Commons Business Cards To Celebrate Expenses Crisis Issued

'People Are Jealous Of My House!!' claims MP

Conservative MP Anthony Steen has announced that he will not stand in the next General Election, claiming his critics are jealous of him because he has a "Very very large house!".

Mr Steen, MP for Totnes in Devon compared the current expenses outrage to an episode of Coronation Street.

GNT believe that Mr Steen is refering to the episode of the long running soap where 98 year old Ken Barlow 'rocks the boat' with Stephanie Beacham's character, Martha. It appears that Mr Steen believes that the old and decrepit politicians have literally 'screwed' the public...on a canal boat.

To hear Mr Steen's interview, click on the headline above.

D.O.P.E Den is announced

Prime Minister Gordon Brown has responded quickly to reports from GNT that he was preparing to set up an illegal drug den within 10 Downing Street. The PM's press officer, Humphrey Dumphrey, has announced that the PM will be adding an extension to Downing Street to set up a new Department to investigate MP's expenses.

The Department Of Personal Expenses (D.O.P.E) will have its offices within number 10 and will be lead by the current Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. (photograph above taken after hearing the news)

Mr Johnson himself is no stranger to controversy. However, his claims for expenses where very small. Mr Johnson claimed 50p for a new comb, £8.99 for a map of London and £12.50 for a train ticket to Hogwarts.

Mr Johnson can be found at Kings Cross station every Tuesday at 2pm, looking for platform 9 and three quarters.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: PM in 'Dope Den' Expenses Claim!!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!

GNT reporters have recovered shocking news that Gordon Brown has today filled in an expenses form requesting a 'Dope Den' to be built within 10 Downing Street.

GNT can only guess at the reasons for such a strange request, considering the public outrage over MP's claims for expenses. Perhaps the Prime Minister wants the country to 'tune in' and relax to help the financial markets 'drop out' of its recent slump.

It is believed that Pete Doherty has put forward his name for MP of "any ****ing where!!" after hearing the news.

This is breaking news...we will keep you updated on this story as soon as any further information becomes available...stay tuned...

MP Claims 'Duck Island' In expenses

The MP expenses scandal continues to role out more shocking claims. Tory MP Sir Peter Viggers admited to claiming £1,645 for a 'duck island' for his garden pond.

GNT investigators have gained photographic evidence of the alleged 'duck island' which apparently shows members of the Royal Family shooting at paparazzi journalists. You can clearly see from our photograph Prince's Philip, Harry and William holding their 12 bores and emptying their barrels into the air as warning shots.

Sir Peter has refused to speak to GNT reporters, but made a short statement claiming he had done nothing wrong, and announcing that the only reason he claimed for a 'duck island' was that they had run out of elephant bouncy castles at B&Q.

More shocking expense claims to follow...